Learning Lessons...

If you had asked me a few months ago how I felt about God I would have told you that I was very angry at him. I can admit to this now and not be ashamed of this fact. The last 6 months have been anything but boring...and have been filled with lessons and adventures. Starting the day after Christmas we were hit with some pretty big stresses relating to Peter's career. Those stresses have been pretty consistent ever since. One of those lovely stresses was a failed pt test. He has had knea problems since he pole climbing in tech school. When someone fails a PT test they are written up and then given 3 months before they test again. When Peter took the original PT test I was praying...begging God to let Peter pass his test. I knew God could do it because he had done it with the several other tests Peter had taken. But this was the test that Peter failed. I was really upset. It caused extra stress on our life and it meant three months not six before we had to face another PT test. I couldn't figure out why God would allow yet another event to further challenge our lives. I got to the point where I felt that nothing mattered. I was angry at God for the fact that he would allow these events to keep hitting us when we were fighting to do what we were supposed to do and follow the rules. I was angry at God because he brought us here and was now letting us fail. I cried to my husband explaining that I was angry. He looked at me and told me "be angry, but be angry to God's face. Tell Him that you're angry at Him." And I did. One day something clicked. If I'm angry at God. If He is to blame for everything. If I can't trust God to do what is best for my family. If I stop trusting God. Then there is no point to anything. We are completely screwed. And there is no reason to ever hope for anything good or right. All that is good, all that is right, all that is honest, all that is pure ALL comes from God. Really it comes down to your option being death (whether physical or spiritual) or God. I choose God. I made the decision at this point that that I would trust God. He's in control and He has a plan.
This is about the time the PT retest happened. I figured that the way I prayed last time didn't seem to do much good. I decided to try a new approach this time around. I prayed that God would give us peace and give Peter focus and strength. He passed his PT test this time :)
It was after this that I realized exactly what I needed to do. I need to stop asking God for what I want and start asking God for the grace to accept what HE wants.

To be continued...